Sunday, the Eleventh of Road Trip

Thank your lucky stars that you don't live here. The cold war between the Religious Right and the Politically Correct has taken a new and horrifying turn. One of those fire n brimstoners discovered that some months of the year are named after pagan Gods and emperors. They hired Karl Rove's consulting company to get the names changed. He got all of the radio blabbers talking about the right to make a date without religion. All of the interest groups got involved. Last week the Constitutional Amendment passed and the States have the right to name the months for themselves.

What a mess!!

Proposals came in from every state each and every one voted for a new naming system.
Now January, which was named after the Roman God Janus is called Washingtary in the plains states and most of the Midwest. In the Pacific and north east its called Firstuary in Texas its Austinuary, In Utah Younguary, In the South Jeffuary and in Florida it's just Oh-One.

The choice for February is narrower either Presuary or just MLK

March, named after the Roman God of war was more complicated. The South wants to call it Lee, the North, Grant and the west, Jerry Garcia.

The origins of April are less clear but the consensus is that has something to do with love and spring. The Red states wanted Easter Month, The Supreme court nixed that, the West wanted Gaia, nixed also, Mothers month was in the running but that was found to be to easily confused with the new name for May so most folks just call it Oh-Four.

Due to intense lobbying from the retail industry May and June are now simply known as the Mom and Dad, Most want to call August, Road Trip or Vacation.

September, October, November and December, all named after numbers, but not the right numbers in the sequence generated a surprising amount of debate.

Should they be 07, 08, 09, and 10 as originally intended? 09,10,11, and 12 was also suggested. Some suggested presidential Nicknames Ike (Eisenhower), Jack (Kennedy), Teddy (Roosevelt) and Abe (Lincoln) were the consensus picks. But the Right and the PCs had a conniption when everyone else went out and got drunk on the Fifth of Jack.

Of couse there were those who want to name November, Thanksuary; October, Scaruary; September Laboruary or Workuary and December, Holidaze. Maybe December and November should be combined and called "Spendapalloosa".

Anyway what it boils down to as usual is that the fringes have something to scream about and the politicians have something to take our minds off the corruption and incompetence. So really, little has changed.